he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
