I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
