I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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