operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
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you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
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Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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