I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
