Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
