My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
