he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
