well I can't set my house on fire every night
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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