My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize