had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
