I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
