I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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