Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
