It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
