someone threw a dead crab at me
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
