My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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