plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
How external is "for external use only"?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
