just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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