Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
