when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
