I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
this just has baby written all over it
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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