All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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