Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
