sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
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Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
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I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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