I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
