yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
