Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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