I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
