I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
