Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
