she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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