I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
