i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
