If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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