Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
