I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
