Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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