you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
