i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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