I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
