we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
