Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
