This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you inspire me to be a worse person
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
