I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
