Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
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i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
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I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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