i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
