her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
