I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
