last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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