That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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