you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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