i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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