I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
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At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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