I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
