Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
