Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
