Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
