you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
