Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
