It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
