If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
