Cold hands, warm shart.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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