My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
