Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
