My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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