i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
